beautiful addiction

Lack of updates only because I’ve been sucked into the Twilight books and can’t seem to put them down.  Just finished Eclipse and I’m starting Breaking Dawn in about a minute.  Going to see the movie tomorrow with Dave and Will (how I managed to get TWO guys to go, I will never know) and I am so excited.  Also bought a Twilight shirt from hot topic last night despite the fact I’m broke.  I had to have it.  Says: “Your scent is like a drug to me” on the front and has the Twilight logo on the back.

I’m hooked.

Makes me wonder if love like that really exists.

Many of you have probably already heard of this, but I’m jumping on the bandwagon a bit late. Head over to One Dollar Give to see what we can all do to make a difference in the lives of others. As bloggers (and non-bloggers) if we all give just $1 each day to a different charity throughout the month of December, can you imagine the difference we can make?

Just wanting to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving.  We are heading to my father-in-law’s house this afternoon and will be back tomorrow evening (in time for me to be to work at 3am…I hate retail).  Enjoy the food, enjoy the company, and enjoy the relaxing weekend that I know many of you will have!

So, I’m always slow to jump on the bandwagon.  It took me until after the LAST Harry Potter book was released before I even started reading the series.  Looks like I’ve done the same with the Twilight series.  People…don’t keep letting me do this!  How could I lived so long without knowing the love of a young vampire boy!? 

Admittedly, I’m only about halfway through Twiglith, but I’ve got the other three books waiting for me on my desk.  I ordered them all through a book club I’m a member of, all hardcover, for VERY cheap, we’re talking like $8-10 each.  Gotta love buy 1 get 1 free deals!

Anyway, I’m engulfed and I wish I would’ve read sooner so that I could’ve gone to see the movie sooner.  As it is, I’m hoping to maybe see it this week if we have time.  I’m sure Dave is just absolutely thrilled about that! haha

Moving on.

My sister.  She wants into rehab down where I live, but when I called around nobody will accept her insurance because she doens’t live in my county.  I called mom and told her that if Britt is serious about coming to stay with me and going into rehab, she has to literally change over her drivers license and all her info to become a resident of my county in order to be eligible for treatment here.  Long process?  Maybe.  We’ll see.  It’s definitley worth the “hassle” to me.

Next topic…food! I love food.

Still been eating healthy…weight has been fluxuating all this week, but I’m pretty sure it’s all water weight and such.  Trying to limit my intake on salt, increase the veggies and lean meats.  All good changes.  I’m in the habit of oatmeal in the morning (with whatever goodies I can find to make it yummy…pumpkin, fruit, granola, nuts, peanut butter, etc.) which holds me over for a few hours usually.  Today I had a delicious baby spinach and shrimp salad with mixed veggies and a balsamic vinegar dressing along with some apple slices…had that around 3:30p and I’m still full over 2 hours later.

We have company over tonight, so I’m planning on making a makeshift chicken parmesan meal out of oven baked chicken breasts (boneless skinless) with melted pepperjack cheese, marinara and pasta/marinara on the side.  It’ll be whole wheat pasta for me!  I love cooking.  Hell…last night around 11p Dave was hungry and I asked what he wanted and he said fried potatoes.  So I got up, sliced up some taters and fried ‘em with olive oil and spices on the stove for him.  I don’t think he expected me to do that!  But I love being in the kitchen.

I made some healthy pumpkin oat muffins last night too.  They aren’t sweet, but they’re hearty and filling.  The only “sugar” in them is the applesauce…and it’s unsweetened, so its no wonder they aren’t as sweet as I expected.  But they’re only 82 calories each, and they’re packed with fiber and protein (thanks to the oats, pumpkin, sunflower seeds and flax).  I’m all for trying new things and they make a great midmorning snack with a few chocolate chips!

Um.  Hmm.  Oh!  Thanksgiving.  How could I forget?  We usually go to Dave’s aunt’s house for turkey day, but this year we are going to have dinner with just his dad.  Just the 3 of us.  Which will be a nice change of pace.  I enjoy his family, but I hate being asked a million questions since we only see them at family get togethers a few times per year.  If I’m going to spend a crazy holiday with a bunch of people, I would’ve much rather have been up with my mom and family, but they celebrated last weekend since my stepdad will be working all this week out of town.

Anyway.  Dave has tomorrow and Thursday off, so after my dentist appointment tomorrow evening at 5:30 (late, I know…I love that about my dentist though.  They’re flexible and I made the appointment months ago when I still had a 7-5p job) we’ll be heading up to his dad’s house (an hour away) to stay the night and then help cook turkey dinner Thursday.  I asked if he wanted me to bring anything and he said to just bring the dessert!  Pumpkin pie and whipped cream it is.  Mmm.

We’ll be coming home semi-early on Thursday since I have to be up for work at 2am…yeah, you read that right.  I’m scheduled 3a until 11:30a.  Good ol’ retail and Black Friday.  At least it will go by fast.  I hope.  Here’s hoping we’re crazy busy and the time flies by.

This has gotten extremely long.  Guess I had a lot more to chit chat about than I originally thought!

Thank you to all of you who commented and emailed about my sister.  Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.  She is out of the hospital and at home with family.  I talked to her yesterday on the phone and I think I got through to her.  I basically laid it out for her that, yes, her life probably DOES suck right now and she probably DOES feel like she is a failure.  Emphasis and feel.  I encouraged her to get help and told her that I would do whatever possible for her.  I told her that she has a long life ahead of her.  She’s only 19 and there’s still time to achieve her dreams.  I made sure to reiterate that I was NOT trying to make her feel bad or guilty or point my finger in blame.  I know that the choices that she makes are not choices she would make under normal circumstances and it’s really the addiction making those decisions for her.

She emailed me this morning telling me she found an outpatient clinic near me that she’s interested in.  She asked if I would call and check it out for her and also wanted to know if my offer for her to come stay with Dave and me was still on the table.  I told her I would call tomorrow and get more info, and that if was dedicated to getting clean and going into rehab, she could stay with me as long as she needs to.  There are better treatment centers down where I live compared to the town where we grew up in (where she still lives).  I sense a long and hard road ahead of us (entire family included) but she’s worth fighting for and I would give anything to see her back to old self.  She made the comment that she doesn’t even remember who she used to be and what she used to be like.  I assured her that we’d find that person again and told her that I loved her and reminded her how special she was.  She cried the whole time we were on the phone and she thanked me and said she loved me, too.

In other news…my grandma is not doing too well, either.  Her kidneys are functioning at or around 50% and she’s on oxygen and a nebulizer.  They have her on steroids to help her breathe, but she isn’t getting much better…she barely has the energy to get out of bed, let alone move around the house.  No appetite either.  Doctors are basically giving her meds just to keep her comfortable in the meantime…

When it rains it pours?

The hospital admitted Brittanie.  She may have heart damage from the overdose.  Still don’t know anything else, other than she’s conscious.  Mom will keep me updated.  *sigh*

I’m still a firm believer that middle of the night phone calls are never a good thing… my mom called me at 6 this morning (ok, so not technically middle of the night…but still, early) to let me know that my sister was, once again, in the hospital.  It’s only been 19 days since she was last there. I don’t think wake up calls work for her…

Britt apparently shot heroin (my mom found the needles and stuff in the bedroom) and then followed it with 15 cold pills with dextromethorphan in ‘em.  Her boyfriend got in the shower and left her in the bedroom alone and our other sister (Brandi) walked in to find her not breathing and she had already turned blue.  Brandi started yelling and slapping her and she came to…but had she not found her…Britt would be gone.  Forever.

All of this…watching my sister slowly kill herself through drug addiction, seeing the pain it causes my family, feeling helpless…it’s breaking my heart.  Each day.  Every time.  Every phone call.

My mom couldn’t even sit with her in the hospital without feeling sick.  Brandi (Britt’s twin) is sitting with her but she, too, feels sick.  Britt is incoherent and when she is semi-awake, she’s yelling at the doctors not to touch her.  Brandi sent me a picture of Britt in the hospital bed…and the reality of it all just brought tears to my eyes.

Then I was sitting there, looking at the picture and it dawned on me…I haven’t seen Brittanie since June. I went up to visit family last weekend but Brittanie never came out to my mom’s house to see us.  She was too busy getting doped up.  She was the main reason I made the trip home, because I know she’s been having a rough time lately.  (Understatement of the year, apparently.)

This whole entry sounds so…dry.  I’m trying not to get sucked into the emotion of it all right now.  I can’t handle another crying meltdown like last time.  But I wanted to get it all out.  Get it off my chest.  Dave is up north at the cabin hunting until Sunday, so I was alone when I got the phone call.  And there’s something about hearing my mom cry at 6am that doesn’t sit well with me.

What is there to do when every effort you make is futile and every word you say is ignored? Where do you go from there? How do you help those who won’t help themselves?

I’m eating the most yummy bowl of overnight oats for breakfast right now.  Apparently this is how I need to make it from now on because the flavors just really, really meld this way and it doesn’t taste blah like it sometimes does.  (Add ins: cherry flavored Craisins, almond butter, almond milk, Bear Naked blueberry walnut granola, cinnamon, splenda.)

Oh, oh, oh!  I ordered the entire Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer this week online.  I’m a member of a book club and I needed 1 more credit to fulfill my obligation, so I ordered the first book after a few people recommended it to me.  Then yesterday the club was having a “Buy 1 get 1 free” deal going on, so I ordered the other 3, plus Dave got a book…and we only spent $27 (including shipping).  And they’re all hardcover!  Not that I like hardcover the best, but they’ll hold up at least!

Ok, so although I skipped taking a picture of my breakfast this morning (oatmeal, almond butter, almond milk, granola, flax, cinnamon and splenda)…I was fairly good about taking pics of the rest of my food!  I just thought it might be fun.  I bet I’m boring half my readers now because I’ve turned into someone who only writes about what they eat and how much they work out, lol.  It’s exciting and interesting to me, though!

Leftover BBQ Apple Tofu stirfry, Kashi Mediterranean Bruschetta crackers, Laughing Cow Light French Onion cheese, and a cup of green tea.  These crackers/cheese are my new favorite snack!

Look how yummy and creamy that cheese is!  So delicious!

I snacked on some cocktail shrimp while making my salad, which consisted of about 2 cups of baby romaine, a whole cucumber, some cherry tomatoes, crumbled feta cheese (forgot how much I love feta!), pepper and Wish Bone Italian Salad Spritzer dressing.

My evening snack consisted of Cozy Shack Sugar Free Rice Pudding, 1/4 cup almond milk, 1/2 tablespoon of flax, raisins, Bear Naked Blueberry Walnut granola and cinnamon.  I warmed it up so it was nice and creamy and yummy.  Rice pudding is such a comfort food for me!

See!  Creamy goodness!

Today has been a good day…food-wise AND exercise-wise!  I started my day off with some oatmeal (in which I added some pumpkin and other goodies, but it wasn’t as yummy as I was hoping…sad).  My lunch/snack before heading off to a day of classes is what really surprised me, though.  I took some Kashi Mediterranean Bruschetta crackers and spread some Laughing Cow Light French Onion cheese on ‘em with some lean turkey slices…and oh my goodness…so freakin’ good.  So good, in fact, that I’m bringing some with me tomorrow to eat at work!  I think I’ve found a new favorite snack!

As I was sitting in my first (2 hour) class, I was nearly talking myself OUT of going to the gym afterwards…but after some internal pep talking, I decided to go.  I’m glad I did, as I had the best workout so far!  I told myself that I’d do just 30 minutes, just to get sweating and burning some calories, ya know?  That came and went and I told myself that 45 minutes sounded good.  And THAT came and went…I ended up doing a FULL HOUR on the treadmill (interval training like I always do — switching off with walking, jogging, and running every 30 seconds to 2 minutes).  I was super impressed with myself.  I ended up doing 4.27 miles in 60 minutes.  Not the best time, no…but I’m no athlete, so this was amazing to me!

I found that I was in this groove and I just didn’t want to stop!  Hard to believe that I was tempted to go home and take a nap after class, but instead ended up having the longest workout to date, lol.  Better yet, I cut 2 minutes off my first mile!  And another 40 seconds off my 2.18 mile marker. I remember it took me 33 minutes to do 2.18 miles the first time I did the interval training.  Then I remember it took me 31 minutes.  And this time it took me 29:20, so I keep cutting time off at least!

I’m feeling good.  Exhausted and ready for bed soon, but feeling healthy and excited to see how my workouts continue to progress in the future.  Due to my joint pain I don’t want to overdo it, so right now I’m sticking to just twice per week, but I’d like to increase that over time.

Off to eat some leftover BBQ Apple Tofu stirfry from last night!