beautiful addiction

After all the drama with my sister, I was grocery shopping and realized that I lost my thumb ring. The silver band that has a sapphire in it (the stone for the month we got married) and our names engraved on it. Gone. Will and I backtracked throughout the entire grocery store, searched my car, searched at home…nothing.

In hopes of cheering me up (and because it’s probably one of the last warm days of fall) he treated me to a Pumpkin Pie Blizzard from Dairy Queen.  It was amazing.  And despite the nearly 500 calories (I only ate 3/4 of a small), I will probably still be close to my 1500 alotment for calories for the day…possibly only going over by a few hundred, if that.  All I’ve had today was that Blizzard, a brownie really early this morning when I couldn’t sleep, a few almonds and some chocolate milk.  The worst day I’ve had in a long time.

I love my friends. <3

Happy Halloween, by the way.  Here’s hoping my day gets better.  And that my ring shows up…I keep reaching down to play with it (it’s what I do…I push it around in circles…) and it’s not there. It’s sad.

I was just drifting off to sleep when my phone went off around 20 after midnight…it was my mom. Not a good sign.

“Your sister just got taken to the hospital by ambulance.”

“What? Who?” I was still half groggy.

“Your sister.”

Didn’t take long to wake up at that point. Apparently she had called my mom crying hours earlier with a fever and she couldn’t stop throwing up.  She was calling asking my mom for pills. For something to take the edge off. (My mom has pain medication due a work injury from years ago.)  Mom explained to her that she wasn’t going to give her any pills…that if she’s throwing up, it wouldn’t help anyway. And besides, she wasn’t going to enable my sister at this point.

My sister is a heroin addict.  She’s not quite 20  yet and she’s addicted to heroine…and it breaks my heart to even write that, but it’s the God awful truth.

So apparently she kept throwing up and her fever wouldn’t break and she started convulsing/seizing up and her ex-boyfriend tried to get her to the car and take her to the hospital, but she couldn’t make it and he had to call 911.

I’m sure it’s drug related. My mom thinks she got some “bad” drugs (an oxymoron right? aren’t all drugs bad?).

You don’t even know the effect this has on me.  I love my sisters more than anything in the world (they’re twins).  Seeing my sister addicted to heroin for the past 3-4 years is completely and utterly heartbreaking. I keep feeling like I’m going to the be the one to fix her, even though I don’t think I can.  She’s the reason I changed majors and am now going to school for Human Services/Psychology.

I texted a good friend when I got off the phone with my mom, tell him what was going on and hoping he had something to say to ease my mind.  His response?

Have a nice talk with God. I’m sure it’ll help you sleep. Prayer can be really comforting. Knowing that you can take some of your thoughts and worries and take that stress off of you and put it on God. If you believe, that is. You have great friends and family.  And with as much trouble as those girls get in, I’m sure He’s keeping a close on them. Try not to worry too much. And pray if it’ll help.

It made me cry. And I’m sitting here bawling at the fact that I can’t change the world and I can’t make things better for my sister despite the fact that I only want the best for her.  She doesn’t understand how much we need her to be ok and get better and get help.

My heart is breaking.

And I’m off to pray for the first time in years.

After reading this entry over at No Calories Needed, I decided to download the mp3 file that has a 30 minutes workout on it for treadmill interval training.  Today when I got done with my first afternoon class I went to the gym and did this routine and OH WOW.  I was able to keep up with the workout almost the entire time, except I had to slow down about 20 seconds early in the 2 minute “run as fast as you can” part, lol.

I ended up doing 2.18 miles in 33 minutes and burned 213 calories!  This is the furthest I have ever ran/jogged/walked on the treadmill.  And I feel great!

Interval training is supposed to be really good for your metabolism…it apparently boosts it for up to 36 hours after your workout, so you continue to burn calories even after you’re done. Sounds appealing to me! :)  I’m going to try to do this twice a week when I’m at the college (and have access to a treadmill haha).

My legs don’t even hurt! (Yet.)

I feel so…good!  I’ve incorporated so many fresh fruits and veggies and lean meats and dairy into my diet that I can actually FEEL the difference.  And even though I’ve only lost 5 pounds, my pants are fitting better and have gone from TIGHT to LOOSE in just 3 weeks.

I read somewhere that it takes 10 days of doing something to make it a habit.  I’m on day 21 and I can say that it’s definitely easier now than it was during that first week.  Here are some of the things I’ve been doing.  I just can’t believe the difference in how I feel.

• I make a habit of eating at least one salad a day (sometimes 2 if I have one for lunch and then a smaller side salad with dinner).  The lunchtime salad is bigger and I throw in baked chicken breast for added protein.  I usually have something else with it, like a yogurt, applesauce or wheat thins.
• I eat breakfast every morning no matter what.  This is usually just a bowl of cereal (currently going through a box of Special K Red Berries) with 2% milk, but on days I don’t work and have more time I’ll eat oatmeal with a banana, cinnamon and splenda mixed into it.
• I don’t always eat the same dinner as Dave.  If I’m making him something that I deem a bit unhealthy, I’ll just have a frozen Healthy Choice or Lean Cuisine entree.  They taste good, fill me up (when combined with a salad) and it’s easy to track calories on these.
• I don’t deprive myself of treats.  I limit them though!  Usually I’ll just have a scoop or 2 of vanilla frozen yogurt.  If my calories for the day are in the lower range, I’ll add a spoonful of homemade strawberry jam to spruce it up a bit.
• I snack between meals: Kashi granola bars, Orville Redenbacher 100 calorie caramel popcorn cakes, yogurt, string cheese, wheat thins…something small and healthy.
• I’ve been drinking a lot more water than usual. I always have a bottle with me no matter where I go.

So yes.  I realize I’ve been talking about this a lot lately, but I’m proud of myself.  I’m changing my eating habits and I’m starting to feel the benefits.  That’s such a great feeling, to me! My “dessert” for tonight was a pear sliced up with cinnamon and splenda on it and warmed in the microwave.  It hit the spot!  I’m usually a real big sweet tooth type of person but I’m not craving sweets like I usually do!

I also worked out on the Wii Fit yesterday afternoon for a bit and then ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes today between classes at the college.  I find it’s hard for me to do much more than 20-30 minutes due to the soreness in my joints and back (due to the autoimmune disorder), but those little stints of exercise make me feel rejuvenated afterwards.

I’m really doing it

I’ve started setting aside some of the money I make from online surveys and stuff so that when I reach 10 pounds lost I can buy a few new shirts and pair of jeans.  It’s not much, but I hardly ever buy clothes anymore since we’re on such a tight budget.  Also, Dave got a new XBox game today (Fallout 3), so I took the same amount of money and set it aside to go towards my own “splurge” fun money.  That way when I want to get some new clothes or whatever, I won’t have to break the budget to do so!

Tiffany over at All That Blooms is giving away $20 in homemade bath and body stuff from a great Etsy shop.  Head over here to see how to win!  I’m sitting here drooling over the stuff on the Etsy shop webpage. Seriously.

She’s also got an Amazon Gift Card Giveaway, a Ding Gift Card Giveaway and a Free Jersey.  All of her giveaways end on October 31, so hurry up and check them out!

I’m glad that I’ve been so dedicated to eating healthy because even though I was stuck at the same weight for the past week and a half, I finally lost another pound!  I know it doesn’t sound like much, but now I’m down 5 pounds in 20 days.  That makes me happy.  Slowly but surely I’ll get there.  Only 16.6 pounds to go until I reach my goal (boy…that sounds like a lot…)!

In other news, Saw V was pretty good. Not as good as some of the others, but they cleared up a lot and answered a lot of questions.  They also left you with NEW questions and I heard that they’re making one more movie, which SHOULD be the final installment in the series.  I’m glad because if they had left it hanging where it is now I would be very disappointed.  But overall, good movie.  I’d see it again.

Guitar Hero World Tour came out the other night.  We have been so excited for its release and we were at the store at midnight to buy it.  Came home and set it all up and played…and I’m SOOOOO disappointed.  It’s really cool on guitar and bass - they added some new types of notes and a touch pad on the guitar so you can use effects while doing held notes.  But the vocals? They screwed the vocals up so bad.  On Rock Band I play on expert vocals and I can get 100% on quite a few songs and most songs I’m at least in the 90% range.  On the new Guitar Hero?  Freakin’ 60%-85%.  I think the hightest score I got was a 95% and it was on a song that was all talking, not singing!

We (Dave, Will and I) completed the band career last night (meaning we played all the songs together as a band) and I complained the entire time.  They made it way too difficult on vocals.  I’m not saying that I don’t like a challenge…I do.  On Rock Band there were songs that I used to fail or get low scores on and once I worked at it I was able to do really well.  Guitar Hero tried too hard to be different than Rock Band and, in my opinion, that only made things worse.  They’re going to lose some fans.  I hear the drums aren’t all that good, either.

Haha, look at me complaining about video games.  I’m such a geek.  But in all honesty, I buy these games to have fun and I wasn’t having any fun at all.  It was more frustration than anything else… anyone else play it yet?

So we drive up to the theater last night to go see Saw V and they’re sold out for the 9:50p show.  So then we’re contemplating buying tickets for the last show of the night (11:55p) and the girl behind the counter is like, “Yeah, that one is sold out, too.”

Dammit.

So we wasted gas driving to the good theater to see a movie that was sold out. *pout*

Didn’t get to bed until almost 12:30 because I was up reading weight loss forums.  I’m still trucking along, counting calories and whatnot…and still no move in weight since, like, day 3.  So frustrating.

Also? Waking up at 5a on a Saturday for work is the worst thing EVER.  (Ok, I’m exaggerating, but still.  Nobody should be up at this hour.)

1. I’m super sleepy. I could totally go to sleep right now except that I have to be in class in 25 minutes. That’s what I get for going to bed after midnight when I had to be up for work at 5am.
2. I made mint chocolate brownies last night…and I haven’t eaten a single one! I felt like baking so I told Dave he had to eat them so I wouldn’t get fat.
3. Work hours have steadily increased to where I’m now getting about 32-34 hours per week (which is good)…but they have me working almost EVERY SINGLE weekend. I don’t mind doing my share, but seriously…am I the weekend girl???
4. Even though my checks are small, I elected to have 10% put into my 401(k).
5. Took my first Cognitive-Behavior Therapy test tonight and got an A (94%). I did this without studying. Sometimes I amaze myself.
6. I’m hooked on Kashi products. Love the cereal. Love the granola bars.
7. Smiling because hubby just sent me a text that says, “I love you soooo much.”
8. Going to see Saw V tomorrow with Dave and Will (and possibly a few more friends). Really excited about this. We re-watched Saw II and III last night to refresh our memories and we’ll be watching Saw IV tomorrow before going to the movie. Which means late movie…which means getting up at 5am Saturday for work is going to suck. Oh well, I only work ’til 11:30.
9. Still eating healthy and staying below my 1,500 calories each day…still haven’t lost ANY weight since the initial 4 pound drop during the first few days. Slightly (majorly) discouraging. I’ve been strict for a week now!
10. Oh! Went to the doctor and complained about how my multi vitamin make me nauseous and dry heave and oh-so-sick in the mornings. She told me to switch to Flintstone’s vitamins. So when I went to buy some, I saw the gummy vitamins instead, and I love gummy ANYTHING, so I bought those. So far, so good.

Woke up just now to get ready to go to the doctor and the apartment is FREEZING!  It’s been getting colder here in Michigan for a few weeks now, but I’ve been dreading having to turn on the heat.  That day has come, my friends.  I woke up with numb fingers and toes!  And shivering once I got out from the safe heat of the blankets.  It is currently 39* and the forecast says it’s only supposed to get to 47*.  BRRRRR!

I promise I’m trying not to make this into a weightloss blog, but because it’s one of the main things going on in my life at the moment, I feel like sharing my successes!  I’ve gone 3 full days keeping my calories in check and under 1,500.  I’m exercising more, even if it’s just 20 minutes on the Wii Fit.  Granted, I took the past 2 days off from working out: Thursday I could’ve worked out at the college gym, but I was so tired and my calves hurt from doing yoga the night before, and then last night was kinda of the same thing (long day at work then 3 hours getting my car fixed and by the time I got home I just wanted to make dinner and relax).

Buuut…I’m about to go eat breakfast and then work out on the Wii Fit for a bit.  At least it’s SOMETHING, ya know?

Oh!  The reason I started this entry is to share that I’ve lost 3.8 pounds this week!  I know that sounds a lot, but I’m pretty sure a lot of it is water weight.  I’m not starving myself.  I come in real close to my 1,500 calories each day and eat 3 main meals with 1 or 2 snacks.  So I’m pretty sure I’m getting rid of water weight and then some.

I’m really proud of myself.  The dedication it takes to change my eating habits and eat healthy while I’m making my husband’s favorite dinners (like homemade pizza last night for him and Will - I had a South Beach Diet pepperoni pizza, sauteed mushrooms/green peppers/garlic, and a salad - which filled me up!) is challenging at times.

I’ve done it before.  If any of you are long time readers (and most of you are, I don’t get many new ones haha), you know that I went through a whole weight loss phase the year Dave moved downstate for college and we were apart.  My starting weight at that point was 165 and I got down to 125 (then back up once we moved back in together because I stopped counting calories).  So I know I have the ability and drive to do it, it’s just harder when you’re cooking and shopping for someone besides just yourself (and he’s a picky eater!).

So.  This is just my way of patting myself on the back.  My goal weight is 130, and I’m hoping to meet it by March (slow and steady wins the race!).