beautiful addiction

I’ve been without a job since the middle of March. That’s a long time, people. That’s over 4 months of me sitting at home, trying to amuse myself all day until Dave gets home from work. I fill my days with online paid surveys (we need the extra cash!), cleaning, menu planning, running errands, grocery shopping, and cooking. I have a growing list of blogs that I read via Google Feeder and I spend way too much time on the internet for my own damn good. Our TiVo hasn’t been cleaned out in weeks and I have a shelf overflowing with books I need to read.

I’m restless.

I love the time off. I love being able to spend my time each day however I please. I know that I should enjoy every last second because once I get a job and start classes again, I won’t have time to do the things I’ve become accustomed to over the past few months.

The only problem is, nobody is calling me back when I submit my resume. I’ve had 2 interviews since I lost my job, and they were within the first 2 weeks of being jobless. Since then? Nothing. Not one single phone call.

I’d like to think I’m not this useless!

I’d love it if we could afford for me to continue to be a stay at home wife. Then I could really settle into the “role” and not be stressed about all the what-ifs and questions that surround my going back to work in the (hopefully) near future. Instead, I don’t want to get too comfortable because I know it’s not going to last forever. Which leaves me feeling like I’m stuck in this middle ground where I can’t enjoy each day to the fullest of its potential. Rather, I’m worried and stressed and somewhat bored because I don’t want to let myself start to ENJOY it all too much.

This summer is going to fly by. We’ll be in Chicago for a week in August on a business trip for Dave’s job. Then we leave for Myrtle Beach exactly 3 weeks after we get back from Chicago. Once we get back from Myrtle Beach, classes start up again for me a few weeks after that. (Tuesdays and Thursdays I’m in class from 2-4p and 6-10p. Those are going to be some loooong days. I’m hoping I can do my homework and everything in the 2 hours between the 2 sets of classes from 4-6p, that way I will have more free time at home with Dave during the evenings and on weekends rather than worrying about homework.)

I just needed to rant a bit. My life feels like it’s going nowhere and I’ve gone from this successful young woman who had it all, to this whiny, unemployed girl who can’t find her place in life anymore…